Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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