You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
