Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
