Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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