The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
