So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
