you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
