a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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