3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
