I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
