I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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