dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
