i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
