I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
