i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
