best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
