I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
please come you make the beer taste better
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
