these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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