I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
