Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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