Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
