I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
