Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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