fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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