I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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