its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I stole a fireplace last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
