He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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