It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
