My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
