regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
