I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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