I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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