i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
