Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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