Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
