i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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