you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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