You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize