She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
