I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
