dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think im going to throw up on grandma
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
