I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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