Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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