Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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