i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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