I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
