Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
