Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
