Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
