Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
