would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
