I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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