i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
