I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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