Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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