Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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