Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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