So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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