return my video game
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
