My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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