She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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