I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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