OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
