her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
